If you want to be Happy for the rest of your life...

My dear, dear Elizabeth Bevington-Seawright's birthday gift to me arrived yesterday.

Apparently I have developed a bad habit of liking women who are already taken. I was watching James Bond last night and noticed he has the same bad habit. He says its because it keeps things simple. I think Mr. Bond may be right about that as long as its just physical, which, of course it could never be unless you are as cold as James Bond. James Bond can do his job because he remains completely emotionally detached, this allows him to never care about anybody and to keep absolute secrecy. So, kids, here is the rule; Never get involved with someone that is taken unless you are a cold hearted bastard and only want action - in which case, yeah, go for it... you cold hearted bastard.

When I read A History of Love, which was amazing, I fell in love with Nicole Krauss, the author. Her book was dedicated to "Jonathan," who was quite obviously very lucky and with whom she was quite obviously very much in love. As I started reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close I noticed a similarity in style. I noticed that the author of that book, Jonathan Safran Foer, dedicated his book to "Nicole." I quickly realized that these two were married. It's kind of amazing that some people are just that lucky. Or maybe its not luck.

Elizabeth texted me a few weeks ago and told me she was at a live reading with Jonathan Safran Foer. I, of course, told her to warn him of my intention to steal his wife. I thought this was funny, and in that context it was.

Here is Jonathan Safran Foer's response to my declaration.

It says, "For David (my wife is mine!) Happy Happy to you... Jonathan Safran Foer"

Well, sir, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm no cold hearted bastard and she doesn't even like me, so we're cool. I'll see you in Brooklyn and I'll leave your wife alone, I promise.