Rory Homan

If it weren't for Rory Homan, I'd know nothing of Harry Nilsson.  Thank God for the both of them.  This last week was good.  I watched some Chinese movies, got a lot done, bombed a quiz (I think this is the first time I have ever gotten such a poor grade on anything in academics and actually placed pen to paper.  I think it's good for me because normally if I thought I wouldn't get an "A" I would have trouble finding the motivation to do it.  I am becoming more and more okay with not needing to perform with perfection.) and watched a 16mm print of The Big Sleep.  There is a huge difference between a 16mm print and a 35mm print, by the way. I didn't think there would be, but boy there is.  I wish I could take today off, but I did a bit too much lallygagging in my down time over the week, so today I gotta play catch up.  Tonight, I do get to go photograph two beautiful friends of mine and go to a rock concert I am very excited about with people I am very excited about.  I am pleased.

not such happy times

I wanna make sure I've been clear about something.  Happy Times is a very good movie, but please do not watch it.  I made a joke at the beginning of the film, when it was funny, about how everybody would probably get cancer in the end and die.  If that had happened, the film would have been much, much happier.  Imagine the simplest and saddest thing happening to the most helpless type of person and you might be able to imagine how sad that film is.  Don't watch it, please.

As I am thinking about this, I am trying to analyze why it was so sad.  I think it is because being alone is the absolute saddest thing that can happen to a human being.  Really, think about it, that's what hell is.  And being alone is the absolute antithesis of Heaven.  Some people are okay with being alone, but the truth is, we can't be fulfilled alone.  Also, we can't be saved by ourselves.  It's a good thing I had a good friend with me when I watched that movie, otherwise I don't think I would have made it out of there.

Happy Times with Gorgoroth and friends

Happy Times is maybe the saddest movie I've seen.  I'm talking Bicycle Theives sad.  Wow,  Zhang Yimou, I thought To Live was your saddest movie.  Today I have decided to numb the sadness with some Norwegian Black Metal.  I'm not joking.  You may want to cross the street if you see me.  Also, I may or may not have toured an MMA training facility yesterday.  If I ever fight (which, I almost certainlt won't) I insist that I wear full Gorgoroth regalia.  Hold me to this. 

Garance and the old man sweater

Garance, I think Scott is right, but I also think you should get a man that looks good wearing one.  I happen to have such a man in mind.

http://www.garancedore.fr/en/2010/01/22/please-wear-it-for-me/

a man's world

Just in case anybody wondered, Garance Doré is quite a bit better of a photographer and writer than her male counterpart. But nobody pays her nearly as much attention.

Also, Nicole Krauss is quite a bit better of a novelist than her male counterpart. But, he seems to be everyone's focus.

It's a man's world.


P.S. There are still many days I wake up and the first thing I think about is The History of Love, which I honestly think I could never read again. It's just too emotional.

P.P.S. Remember in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close when the grandmother says, "I hope you never love anything as much as I love you," to her grandson? I remember that part. The implications there are obvious... well obvious to me. I think its safe to say that loving something in spite of the fear of pain that come from losing that something is always the right thing to do. Often, I'm terrified to love my children, my family and even my friends, but it won't stop me.

Atheists in Foxholes

I am back in school for a semester and an LSAT prep course. I just started the third week of the semester and somehow, with all of this busy-ness it feels like I am on the frontline of some battle, waiting for a barrage of artillery and I suddenly realize I really haven't finished digging my foxhole.

death to the F-book

I just deactivated my Facebook account. Supposedly it's the cool thing to do these days. Unfortunately, it's only temporary. I am doing it because of a bet that I will certainly win. I have to admit, I am little worried about not wanting to ever go back. I feel like I am deciding to "take a break" with my girlfriend and I am terrified that either she or I will decide that we're better without each other. Oh no! What if facebook won't take me back? It's a risk I'm willing to take.

...full of hollow on old Maxwell's Street

Home is weird. I was driving home and listening to the radio and I heard this


and as I heard the words, "I hope my pony knows the way back home" all I could think about was how the home I was driving to was so different then it used to be. It actually doesn't exist anymore. I think that is the shocking part of growing up, the realization that home is gone, that there is nothing beneath you to catch you.
So, anyway, I was thinking about that idea and that song and I was reminded of a situation I was once in that was so terrifying that the only thing I could think of was wanting to be home. I literally kept repeating the words, "I just wanna be home," in my head. At one point I must have said it out loud because my friend made some joke about how we were old enough to know that our "homes" didn't exist anymore. But the funny thing was that when I said "Home," I sincerely meant a heavenly one. Everything had been stripped from me but that belief and at their barest, my bones could only believe in that. When I got out of that situation I remember being quite startled as to how deeply that belief ran.

Don't Drop Out, Baby

Don't Drop Out

through a glass, darkly

I wish I had heard about this earlier. Two physicists are claiming that the presence of the elusive particle called the Higgs Boson causes such trouble for space/time and matter that The Future has to sabotage it's existence. Apparently that's why the funding for the machine the USA was building to create and study Higgs Bosons got pulled before it could be built and that's also why the Large Hadron Collider in Europe keeps breaking down.

"While it is a paradox to go back in time and kill your grandfather, physicists agree there is no paradox if you go back in time and save him from being hit by a bus. In the case of the Higgs and the collider, it is as if something is going back in time to keep the universe from being hit by a bus. Although just why the Higgs would be a catastrophe is not clear. If we knew, presumably, we wouldn’t be trying to make one."

I really hope this is true, but its pretty ridiculous. However, I have suspected Future Me may be working some sorts of sabotage on Present Me so I'll keep my mind open for now.

This link is th NYT article.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/13/science/space/13lhc.html?_r=2