Thursday, December 31, 2009

Today I was l0oking for something I really really wanted and after about 15 minutes I remembered that I liked it so much I gave it t0 somebody else so they could like it t0o.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

ante meridiem

I basically took the month of December off. I am glad I did, but tomorrow it's back to work. I just set my alarms for 5:30am and 5:45am. Ugh.

Monday, December 21, 2009

My mother passed away last Thursday. Tonight is the first viewing and tomorrow is the Funeral. My little sister wrote a beautiful obituary

The weird thing about all of this is just how complicated all of my feelings are. Physically, I am just tired.

Friday, December 11, 2009

If you want to be Happy for the rest of your life...

My dear, dear Elizabeth Bevington-Seawright's birthday gift to me arrived yesterday.

Apparently I have developed a bad habit of liking women who are already taken. I was watching James Bond last night and noticed he has the same bad habit. He says its because it keeps things simple. I think Mr. Bond may be right about that as long as its just physical, which, of course it could never be unless you are as cold as James Bond. James Bond can do his job because he remains completely emotionally detached, this allows him to never care about anybody and to keep absolute secrecy. So, kids, here is the rule; Never get involved with someone that is taken unless you are a cold hearted bastard and only want action - in which case, yeah, go for it... you cold hearted bastard.

When I read A History of Love, which was amazing, I fell in love with Nicole Krauss, the author. Her book was dedicated to "Jonathan," who was quite obviously very lucky and with whom she was quite obviously very much in love. As I started reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close I noticed a similarity in style. I noticed that the author of that book, Jonathan Safran Foer, dedicated his book to "Nicole." I quickly realized that these two were married. It's kind of amazing that some people are just that lucky. Or maybe its not luck.

Elizabeth texted me a few weeks ago and told me she was at a live reading with Jonathan Safran Foer. I, of course, told her to warn him of my intention to steal his wife. I thought this was funny, and in that context it was.

Here is Jonathan Safran Foer's response to my declaration.

It says, "For David (my wife is mine!) Happy Happy to you... Jonathan Safran Foer"

Well, sir, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm no cold hearted bastard and she doesn't even like me, so we're cool. I'll see you in Brooklyn and I'll leave your wife alone, I promise.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


My friend showed me this trailer, then I was going to tease her, then I watched it and I was like, awwwww. But also, hmmm... amazing? and then I decided I'd post it here too.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Canis Lupus

I saw the Fantastic Mr. Fox on Friday night, but I was so exhausted that I fell right asleep. I tried to take a nap before the movie but got interrupted by something I had to do. So, I really didn't see it at all, and even if I had stayed awake, I missed the first 15 minutes because of that thing I had to do.
Yesterday I went to see Coco Before Chanel, but we went into Fantastic Mr. Fox instead. About 30 seconds into the film I realized this was absolutely the right decision.
That was perfect and I absolutely loved everything about it. Wes Anderson's films have the interesting quality of often aging in very interesting ways for me. I am constantly reordering his films in my brain as to which ones are the best and which ones I love the most, et cetera. I am sure as I see the film more times I will love new things about it and love it in new ways. I haven't enjoyed seeing something that much in a very long time. I cried during the part with the wolf. I really did. I think its because I really miss one of my friends and I bet that was his favorite part. Also, that part was just perfect and there are those who would have thought it should be cut out because it was not necessary to the story, but it was. It kind of actually was the story. I haven;t read the book in a very long time and don't recall at all if anything like that happened in the book, but either way, it was perfect. Perfect. I rarely use that to describe a film or anything really. But that part of that movie is perfect. The entire movie Rushmore is perfect. The Radiohead show at Bonnaroo was perfect. The Bon Iver show at Gallivan this summer was perfect. Also, there are some people I know that are perfect and they are getting even perfecter.

A quick side-note, the scene where the boy foxes are diving there is a song in the background presumably coming from the Fox's radio. It seems it isn't on the soundtrack to the film. This has always been one of my absolute most favorite songs and I think any romantic inclinations I have come mostly from watching Robin Hood so many times when I was a kid. I think I have literally seen this movie and the original Willy Wonka over a thousand times. That is not an exaggeration. I wore both of those VHS tapes completely out several times.

Yesterday I finished reading Breakfast of Champions. God Bless you Mr. Vonnegut. I miss you and wish you were still here but am kind of glad you don't have to be anymore. I found you a bit late, and I consider you my grandfather. Both of my grandfathers died when I was very young. Grandpa Bisson (AKA Grandpa 'tucky - as in Kentucky - as in he looked like Colonel Sanders AND lived in Kentucky) died when I was 3 and Grandpa Hampton died when I was 6. I don't remember Grandpa Tucky at all but I have many memories of grandpa Hampton. I remember him putting me in the basket of his adult sized tricycle and taking me down to McDonald's and teaching me about Sausage McMuffins. I remember him telling me that sometimes his brains would start for pour out of a hole in his forehead and I had to plug that hole up with my finger anytime he could feel a brain starting to slip out (this confused me very much, but I certainly didn't want my grandfather to continue to lose his brains so I complied.), Anyway, I gotta go, this could go on forever.
Thank you Wes Anderson, Thank you Kurt Vonnegut and thank you friends.

Monday, December 7, 2009


I am not terribly happy about this gloomy winter weather and I am not terribly happy about my unhappiness about it. Every year I think I have made peace with Old Man Winter, and for the most part I have, but every year also I get a bit mad at him. The snow is beautiful and I really love it. I think its just my tolerance for the cold that needs improvment. I used to not care about cold at all. I remember Skiing at night when it was 15 below and thinking it was totally no big deal. I have grown soft in my old age. Or maybe the years I spent living in places where it never got colder than 50 degrees are what did it to me. Maybe I should just move back to one of those places. Or maybe it is my old age and its Father Time I have the beef with and not really Old Man Winter.

Also, On Wednesday night it will get down to 8 degrees in Salt Lake City and 6 degrees in Provo. That's legitimately cold. Yeah, it gets much colder in other places, but that still doesn't make it okay.



the song in this trailer magically came on my ipod the other day and I liked it a lot. I always have. Now I know why.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Letters of Note

Wow guys, look at this website.
the internet is amazing! Being a human now is pretty cool.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


I planned to review Blind Side, but I am not going to. That movie is good. And its accessible to many people, which is pretty important, I think.
I was going to talk about racism and sexism and how the movie has serious problems but don;t we all and how I think overall we are getting better but instead I am just gonna post this video Pamela showed me which is aptly named the cutest video of all time

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Imaginary Friend

My imaginary friend died. Does that happen to everybody's imaginary friend? It seems kind of sad but also seems inevitable, right? I dunno, I can't really think clearly right now. I am in mourning.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Thanksgiving or something

I am so very thankful for friend who share mutual beliefs and who I can talk to and they actually help me to see what I should do. I also, more than anything, love to do that for my friends.

I am also so thankful for my family, who I love and who loves me no matter what.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


To-Do List 11/19/09

1. Double-Double, Animal Style

And for any of you who don't know about Planet Awesome Kid now you do. Betty described it as "The Sartorialist, but for kids."

Sunday, November 15, 2009


I personally consider the Oxford English Dictionary the definitive authority on all things etymological and whatnot. I dread the day I will no longer be able to access it through the library website of my Alma Mater.

Even when going through the HBLL, it still requires a BYU log in.

Sometimes, I imagine that this access may be a lifelong perk (from perquisite, the "perk" shortening of the word is first found used in 1869by J. Greenwood in Seven Curses London) of my attendance at BYU. Those sometimes are happy sometimes.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Contre qui, Rose?

I have a few minutes to kill while I wait. I think this is the most beautiful poem ever written and I have thought so for some time. I try to avoid superlatives, but I think I should accept them when they have persisted for over a decade.

Contre qui, rose,
avez-vous adopté
ces épines?
Votre joie trop fine
vous a-t-elle forcée
de devenir cette chose armée?

Mais de qui vous protège
cette arme exagérée?
Combien d'ennemis vous ai-je
qui ne la craignaient point?
Au contraire, d'été en automne,
vous blessez les soins
qu'on vous donne.

Here is an English translation of it that I have kind of picked from several different translations, parts of which I think capture it better than others. Oh, that is so arrogant.

Against whom, rose,
have you assumed
these thorns?
Is it your too fragile joy
that has forced you
to now become this arméd thing?

And from whom does it protect you,
this exaggerated defense?
How many enemies have I lifted from you
that did not fear it at all?
On the contrary, from Summer to Autumn
you wound the affection that is given you.

Rilke wrote a lot about solitude and our need to have a lack of it. Solitude is very good and I think necessary sometimes, but too much can be bad. Sometimes I wonder if it is addicting.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Fantastic Mr. Fox, The

I already want the soundtrack because I am a shameless hipster sucker for anything Wes Anderson does.
I love how the music plays on the website. Also, this is coming out this Friday, in case you didn't know.

I love Mr. Fox's suit.

But also I love Wes Anderson's Suit and I bet he dresses like this everyday.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Brahms and stuff

Here is another beautiful song I've come across. Listen.

A friend gave it to me. Don't tell them I gave it to you, its a secret. Shhhh, its a secret. The thing I like about this song is the first 30 seconds. The violin is simply gorgeous the first few times you listen to it. And its Yitzahk Perlman, the most famousest violinist in all of the world playing on his 200+ year old, 1.5 million dollar Strativarius, so of course its overwhelming in both tone and musicianship. And then you slowly realize that really this song, for me anyway, is all about that really tender and seemingly unnoticeable (at the beginning anyway) piano accompaniment underneath that supports it. And for brief moments the piano even gets the spotlight and even the melody, but its still a Violin Sonata. But, this piece is really about the piano, for me anyway. Isn't that how life is sometimes? Its not the things that are out front and obvious that are the most beautiful, but the subtle things you only notice a while later, when its still... and you can really listen. Like Mother Theresa and Marjorie Hinckley or that nurse at the hospital that just keeps working and smiling and nobody ever notices. Or.. well.. even Home teachers or people who spend all morning making Christmas Ornaments for Relief Society? I mean, The Apostles are great, but its all us normal kids who really get the Lion's share of the work done. Well, nurse at the hospital, Daniel Barenboim and all us normal kids, I noticed and thank you. Also, I think that's why I love music so very much. It really is inherently an unselfish endeavor. Its written to be played... by people, and heard... by people, its a sort of communion. And all are uplifted.

Also, I'd just like to say that when I watch football, I like to watch the big guys up front blocking, because that ball ain't going nowhere without 'em.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I'm Sorry, Wes Anderson

Should Have Taken Acid With You - Neon Indian
First of all, Wes, I would like to publicly apologize to you. I'm sorry for saying mean things about you on my blog yesterday. They weren't that mean, but... well, you know, I'm sorry. I'm glad we've made up and I hate fighting with you... but the make-up sex was kind of worth it.

Second of all, I am still very sick, not as sick as yesterday, but sick enough to already be tired and need to sleep. I've lost 15 pounds since Friday night. Don't worry, I am much bigger than you are and most of that is water weight, but if I stay sick much longer JR Boyce will definitely owe me a fudrucker's hamburger as I stumble (is that the word I want? Stumble? I want a word that means fall while being delirious and sickly. If you can think of the word I am looking for, let me know.) below that magic number. (Maybe shrink, is part of the word I want, too.)

Third of all, this is happening right now. But, I am a bit more excited for the Leonid meteor shower, which peaks on the 17th. The Leonid might be worth going out for, any interested parties are welcome to tag along. Its a big one and there will be no moon whatsoever. Of course, the grass is always greener on the other side and it looks like Asia is the place to be for it this year.

Last of all, my website is so close to being done, I am very excited. It would probably be done today if I weren't so sick. Prepare for your minds to be blown all over your faces and the faces of your neighbors. Also, get ready for the minds of your neighbors to be blown all over your faces and, obviously, their faces. You may also want to prepare for some of your neighbors' minds ending up on their neighbors' (some of whom you probably don't know, but may soon because in a crisis like this you meet new people. See Zombieland for details) faces. Don't even get me started on the minds and faces of your neighbors' neighbors.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Wes Anderson, I love you but you're bringing me down.

Hey Kids. Wanna know a secret? Bottlerocket was amazing, Rushmore was Perfect, really Perfect, and I love The Royal Tennenbaums (really, I cried and it makes me happy) but guess what? Wes Anderson's movies after Rushmore are not very good. I like them in ways, but, they're kind of like a spoiled young sibling who won't stop throwing tantrums and doing the same thing over and over again for attention. Okay Wes, yeah rich kids have issues too and absent fathers are a let down, but get over it and stop thinking about yourself. I kind of feel like some of those later movies are like that.
I am excited for The Fantastic Mr. Fox, I am pretty sure I will really enjoy it. But, If I hear anybody say another word about innovation in animation I am gonna punch them in the brains. I read a review that said something like this and i think i recall seeing a trailer for the film that said something like that. Hey idiot, before you go around writing about films and printing stuff like that, maybe you should watch a movie or something

But, man I love The Royal Tennenbaums despite its flaws. It took me awhile to see them but their okay. Doesn't mean I won't cry every time when Margo and Richie are in that tent upstairs. But, Rushmore. Oh! Rushmore. Rushmore is actually too sacred to be discussed outside of a movie theater, so I should stop.

I love you Wes Anderson. Please let Owen Wilson help you write your next movie. I know you have another Rushmore in you but I don't know what it will take to bring it out. I hope it comes out.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Utah Valley University sends you a birthday card for your birthday. Does BYU send you a birthday card for your birthday? BYU has a lot to learn about being nice... and birthdays.


Once it gets below a certain temperature its just cold. It all blurs into one long degree from absolute zero up until that certain temperature. I think that temperature might be 30 degrees F for me. Above that temperature I can tolerate everything, but below it, its all awful.

I like the snow, I think its beautiful. I like the winter too. But, when it won't quite make up its mind I think its just kind of depressing. There are sad patches of half melted snow all over the ground covering green grass. The sky is gray to the point you can't tell where the sun is.

I can recall two times in my life when I have been the very coldest, or when that cold was the least tolerable to me. I was walking out to my car up at Dover. I got up to my car and tried to open the door, but it was frozen shut. I couldn't even get to my ice-scraper. I walked back inside and called Lisa, who I was going to see and who is getting home off her mission in 8 days, and I told her it was too cold for me to go out. I crawled under my electric blanket and tried to sleep. It was dark, but I think it was only 5:30pm. I also recall that weekend it got down to 2 degrees. The next night took Lee's Dad's binoculars (these are no ordinary binoculars, they require a tripod!) out into the middle of the street and found a comet in the middle of (or very near by, I don't recall exactly) Cassiopeia. I think it was Comet Holmes, but there were so many comets during those few months that its hard to remember. It was still just as cold, but the company made that cold tolerable. Funny how that works.

The other time I remember being the coldest, or that cold being the least tolerable was last night, as I was trying to find my car in the gigantic UVU parking lot. I parked in a hurry because I was late and I am always thinking of something other than where I am and what I am doing, so if I do not take very special notice of exactly where I parked my car it is very likely I will not remember. The funny thing is I remember exactly what I was thinking about when I parked my car. It was a Dr. Seuss rhyme that I was playing with in my head and imagining what it would have been like if Dr. Seuss had written Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and if Marshmallow Popcorn had been around back then how he would have included it, which he certainly would have. Anyway, that was really cold looking for my car last night. I didn't have a coat and it was windy. At one point I crouched down behind some ridiculously large Ford truck to hide from the wind. I never thought I'd be glad to see one of those. That was cold. It was like ice in my bones.

Sometimes I fantasize about going to work in Antarctica because I could hear Weddell Seals (trust me, you really want to click on that link and listen) and see penguins and the Southern Lights, which I imagine are just as good as their northern counterparts (The Polar Aurora on Saturn on the other hand I think are probably the best). If I ever do go to work at either of the poles I imagine I will amend my thoughts about 30 degrees and lower all being the same. But, maybe the company of lights and seals would make it tolerable.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

A Serious Man

I have seen a lot of sad movies lately. This one was by quite far the saddest and most hopeless. But, it was also thoroughly enjoyable, funny and really good. I'm so very confused. I think the movie is basically half way between Barton Fink and The Man Who Wasn't There.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Ben Kahoe

I am not sure why I like this guy's paintings and I don't know why these two are my favorite so don't you dare ask me.

If I had money, I would go here and buy one.

Also, if I had written a children's book, I would ask him to illustrate it for me, but then it would probably turn out too sad and too scary.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Some Movies

I saw Where The Wild Things Are and The Boys Are Back in the last few days.

First, I want to say that I think its not okay to judge a film adaptation by how it compares to the book. Films aren't books and when one is based on another the second one is usually not as good a work of art as the first. I think that's because when filmmakers decide to adapt a book into a film, they typically pick from among the best (and why wouldn't they? Who'd want to adapt an awful book?) and so they are starting at a disadvantage. I wonder if this makes any sense.

Second, I want to say that I thought a few similarities in the films were interesting. Where the Wild Things Are is confusing some people because the book is for four year olds, but the film is for adults. Mostly the movie is about relationships and how we are all super insecure and sad and ofttimes act like children.I read one critic who said he was annoyed because all of the Wild Things seemed to be completely emotionally dysfunctional and damaged beyond repair. I think that in reality everybody acts like that to some degree or another because we have all been terribly hurt, let down and damaged. Each one of those wild things was just a different insecure aspect of people Max interacts with or himself.

I thought the most interesting thing about The Boys Are Back was when the children and adults acted, respectively, like adults and children. Clive Owen sure was great, especially that scene where he nearly breaks down and then holds it back in. I think we have all probably done that at times.

Jade, its good. Go see it.

That movie made me think of something else. I know nothing of women except that they are the same as girls, just older. The same goes for men and boys. And, I was thinking its very funny how boys (and men) really just like fighting, dirt, stinkiness and slimey things. That seemingly will disgust some women, but, ladies, its a good thing we like all of those things because it's what makes us like you because it's what you're made of. That's not an insult. Remember? We like that stuff.

Lastly, I would like it noted on the public record that I fully intend to raise my boys as though they are the Lost Boys, I am Peter Pan and my wife is Wendy. So, there is that. Future wife you have been warned.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Three Trees I love

These are the trees I probably love the most.

This one I used to climb up and jump out of. If you climbed high enough you could see the entire Salt Lake Valley. At night time you could see the Jordan River Temple glowing. I am too big to climb high enough now because the branches would certainly break.

In this one I found my very first bird nest with little eggs in it. If you climbed up onto the roof of my house with binoculars, you could look down into the nest and see. It was especially exciting when the baby robins hatched.

This one I planted years ago. It's a Weeping Willow. When I planted it, it was about an inch in diameter. Now its about 18 inches in diameter and still growing. I doubt this Willow will ever grow as big as the one at the house where I was born (which my father built), but the people who bought that house cut it down. It was so big that they never could get the stump and roots out so now there is this huge tree stump in the middle of their front yard. I doubt this is what they wanted, but it serves them right.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Party?

I think we should all have some sort of Party about this

THE BQE- A Film By Sufjan Stevens from Asthmatic Kitty on Vimeo.

Also, I think my favorite thing about Sufjan Stevens is that I used to like the Flute. Then for years, I HATED it. And now I like it again.

Also Also, sometimes when I am running and Fanfare for the Common Man (Yes, I have that on my running playlist) comes on, I feel like I can keep running for a very long time. Rocks would consider the amount of time I feel like I could keep on running to be very long, indeed. This song is majestic and I like it for that. It seems like it is being played on the finest instruments, by the finest musicians who live very noble lives. Wasn't it written for the WWII soldiers who stormed the beaches of Normandy or something like that? I dunno. Sufjan Steven's music, on the other hand, seems like it is being played by forest animals who have whittled their instruments out of whatever they could find and taught themselves to play during the hibernating months. I like it just as much. I think the small squirells play the flutes and the smaller ones play the piccolos. Bears, of course, are on percussion.

Also Also Also, I have never nor will I ever stop liking the French Horn for any reason.

On a completely unrelated note, I just want to say that I am fascinated by ne0-feminist-indie-hipster-domestic mothers like this one. I think its cool. Generally, people can be pretty cool.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Is anybody else excited about The Fantastic Mr. Fox? Well, I certainly am. And look what I found
Yep, that's a link to Roald Dahl himself reading an excerpt from the book and its free. And, of course that's what he sounds like. Of course.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Anna Karena, I call her Annie.

Two in one day. Sorry. But seriously, THIS!

Does anybody else think Serge Gainsborough is kind of a weird looking, French version of Thom Yorke?

Also, Yes, Ashley, this is now your ringtone.

Regarding the desire to create

There seems to be in some people an insatiable desire to create. Picasso said, "We artists are indestructible, even in a cell or a concentration camp I would be almighty in my own world of art. Even if I had to paint my pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell." That's pretty much what I got from this movie, which I thought was pretty good.

Sometimes I think there is a perception that Men more than Women have that insatiable desire to create. I think sometimes I have that perception. I think its probably not true, but if it was I wonder if it has anything to do with childbirth? What say you?

Also, its rainy today. Anytime it rains I think of the following song and then I think of people running from the rain in slow motion to this song. I think that I saw something like this when I was young and it has stuck with me very strongly. If you know what this is and maybe you saw it too, please let me know. Its ruining my brains trying to think of it.

I remember seeing people in Uganda run from the rain all the time. People are afraid to get wet there. I welcomed it, it was so cooling. Man, that place was hot. And there were lions.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Not in my car, out-siiiiide.

when something is this good, I don't keep it to myself.

also, if I married a black girl, our kids would be this cool.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Back in the saddle again

I've been letting some important things slide lately. Its really amazing what a difference the little things make. They add up. I hurt my back two weeks ago and haven't been running, which I now realize is a big mistake. But its okay, it feels better now an I am back in the saddle again.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Van Morrison

Dear Emily Asplund,
I am going to Las Vegas to see Van Morrison play Astral Weeks tomorrow. Of course, that album makes me think of you and I wish you could go with me.

Back to Basics

Was the original Amoeba music in Berkeley? I guess I always assumed it was in Los Angeles. It seems like anytime a question is raised regarding origins of things and Los Angeles is one of the multiple choice answers you can just cross it off. That place only re-does things. That would be awesome if that type of question came up on a test because you could immediately eliminate "Los Angeles" and “C,” because, as everybody knows, the answer is very rarely “C.” It used to be that the answer was most frequently “C,” its some sort of statistical/psychological thing having to do with the types of parents who raise people who go to test-making college. But the test writers found out we were on to them and now its almost never “C.” I wonder if they are onto us again and would switch it back. These things are unknowable.

I feel like I’ve needed a haircut for at least a week. I think maybe I should grow it out all crazy! Or cut it off all crazy!

Also, I’ve gotten away from the original purpose of this thing, which was to simply show things I thought were beautiful. My wanderly writings shall be placed back elsewhere.
Here is something I don’t think many of you will see, but if I was being interviewed and the interviewee asked me to tell about the most amazing natural phenomenon I had ever seen and I still hadn’t been to space or seen the Aurora Borealis (I’ve insisted on calling them by their proper name since I found out about them in Mrs. Helt’s Kindergarten Class), I would definitely say, it was the time I saw a Bioluminescent Algea Blume (AKA "Red Tide") in Encinitas.

It is very close to the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. That color is very rare. I wonder if that's why its so beautiful. These videos and photos don't do it justice and when I saw it, it was more green than here. I have always had a hunch that, despite what SCIENCE! says, the ocean is actually the same thing as the sky, and that when you look out there at the horizon, if you look really hard you can see where it flips over, turns around and then comes back to us. I think that the Aurora Borealis and the Red Tide are actually the same thing, just upside down. It's weird that the Aurora Borealis look so much bigger, they're so much farther away. But, in reality, the sky is closer to us than the ocean (unless, of course, we are in the ocean) because we are standing in the sky all the time (unless, as I said, we are in the ocean).

Also, if you don't like Astral Weeks I probably don't like you, but I will make exceptions. I may drive fairly far to see Van the Man play that album live. I think its one of those things I will never ever regret, no matter what the cost.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Not Funny Anymore

I'm not so good at writing missionaries. I just got letter number two in a row from one who I really owe a letter. I have 7 weeks to atone, hopefully more than once.

I got off the Train today and a pretty down and out guy walks up to me and was all, "'scuse me sir, money money money money money for drugs." And I was like, "Hell no!" And then as I walked away I actually heard what he said and it was, "Excuse me sir, I am so sorry to bother you, but do you have any work I could do for food. That's my wife sitting over there under that tree and she is pregnant and we haven't eaten in two days." I was pretty far away by the time that processed and maybe I was pretty ashamed and teary-ish. So, I walked the half mile to my car and drove back and told him that if he just needed food I would certainly buy him some, which I did.

Those who know me know that when I am talking in a dead serious voice, that's when I am making jokes and it is when I am laughing that I am being the most serious. I think when I wax (or is it wane?) blasphemous I am probably being the most serious of all. And, while that guy probably sold that food to buy drugs, Matthew 25:40 would seem to say that I just gave drug money to Jesus.

I think I am done doing that thing where I laugh when I am serious and sound serious when I am joking. Its not funny anymore.

he ain't heavy

Six years ago today, my Brother died of a Heroin overdose. They found him in a McDonald's bathroom. That really sucks and none of us will ever be the same.

Awful things happen to all of us and we all do awful things to one another all the time and that's just part of being here. I think the most important part of being here is to learn to forgive ourselves and others for the awful things we've done and to learn to love others and ourselves in spite of and, maybe because of, what we've done. Not, "I love you because of what you did," but, "You did that awful thing and that other awful thing happened to you and I love you because we need that."

At some point we are all a burden on someone else and at some point someone is a burden on us, but we ain't heavy, we're our brothers?

P.S. The Kinks are awesome. I'm glad they wrote music.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

Technically, Fall doesn't start until 3:15pm today, but this morning its 46 degrees outside. I can see my breath. I think this is the first time this year. This time of year always makes me think of Football, which I might add is the greatest game ever played. I love it. There were times I loved it more than I loved anything else. I loved the feeling of practicing and collapsing at the end of windsprints because you had given everything. I loved the feeling of chasing some unsuspecting quarterback from behind and feeling him crumple underneath me. I loved the feeling of being the unsuspecting linebacker who gets hit from out of my blind spot so hard that my head hits the ground before my feet. I loved everything about it. I miss it. When you've loved something like that, it never totally goes away, and sometimes you still miss it, even years later. I love that I miss it. I am pretty sure a few too many hits and a few poorly lifted weights are responsible for my back problems, but it was absolutely worth it and I'd do it the same if I had it to do over again.

Another thought. Solitary sports are great. Its good to conquer things on your own. I liked wrestling for that reason and I can respect those who compete alone. But, the truth is, we are all in this together and we aren't alone and nobody is going anywhere after this whole shindig alone. We are going as families or not at all. That's another reason why team sports are actually better. Nothing is better than the feeling of accomplishing something or failing at something with those you love.

Also, don't you think Sean Astin looks a bit like Shane Atkinson? Who may or may not have walked on to BYU's football team only to quit once he got in the film program?

Also, Also, does anybody else feel compelled to chant "Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!" when Sam picks up Frodo at the end of those movies? I don't mind those movies, but Rudy is better. Watch it if you haven't. I want to inspire people the way it inspires me.

Monday, September 21, 2009

A Poem

Here is a poem for Pam, a Poam

I think
You stink.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

do not be alarmed

I didn't say this, but maybe a cried a little bit when someone did.

"I can't even think of a good reason to kill myself anymore, but at least it'd be something to do."

Luckily there is this to cheer us up.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Back Into the Belly of the Beast or: There is a First Time for Everything

The first time I ever got into one of these was also first time I felt completely overwhelmed with fear. I think I was 12 years old. I was fiercely and violently claustrophobic before that, but ever since then (or maybe ever since I was 15 and got licked in a trunk, I won't say by who) I have had to add irrationally to those adverbs. Lately, I have been getting much better at dealing with various stress inducing forces and today I decided to go back to the beginning and begin that fight again. I don't know how (yes I do) but I thoroughly defeated that silly foe.

I also ran into this man who I am quite sure is an oracle of some sort. He gave me a magical power, but I can't tell you which one.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Son, its okay to own a Bentley

A wise and wealthy man once told me, "You can own a Bentley if you really want to, but its definitely not okay to take it out of your garage." Years ago, this man's father had said this to him upon discovering that his son had purchased a $450K car. The son came from a wealthy family, but had made this money on his own from his jewelry business. I think he made his first million independent of his parents by the time he was 17. I can respect that. If I remember correctly this man's father had also made a similar mistake when he purchased a Ferrari back in the 60s and his father told him an almost identical thing.
Bentleys are for companies that Chauffeur to assure their clients that they will be taken around in style or for people with lots of disposable wealth to assure other people that they do, indeed, have lots of disposable wealth. So, knowing these things and reflecting upon the advice, would you really ever want to own a Bentley? Somehow, I think this advice will never be directly applicable to me, but I can see the principle and I think its good.
Today I gave myself this advice, "Its impolite and may lead to trouble if you shake your head at and 'booooo' owners of Bentleys on the freeway." This particular Bentley owner was definitely not a Chauffer based on his attire, age and style of the Bentley. So, as I passed I expressed my discontent and was a bit delighted to see the driver become furious. He started following me quite close and made a very rude hand gesture. This went on for at least a minute, when to my surprise, he exited at my exit. This is surprising, because this em effer does not belong in the hood, he ain't never been to the hood and if he thinks he is gonna come to my hood and try to cause me trouble, he's got another thing coming. I grew up here. Home Court Advantage. He continued the tailgating. For a brief second I though about how wonderful it would be to see his Bentley all tore up from having rear ended my little truck, but that was obviously a bad idea (very funny visual image, though). After it seemed he was not going to give up his chase and I realized I did not have time or gas to make this guy follow me out to Wendover at 20mph below the posted 65 mph speed limit (which is how I dealt with the only other follower I'd had) I had a better idea. I turned off onto a gravel road used for canal maintenance I used to explore as a kid and I gunned the engine. This kicked up a lot of rocks and dust; certainly not enough to work as an effective smoke screen, but just enough to make that fellow consider what people would think of his income if his finish got dirty or, worse yet, nicked. I am glad it wasn't too much dirt, because it would have been sad if I'd missed seeing him turn around in the rear view mirror. But really, its not okay to shake your head and "boooooo" people on the freeway, lesson learned.

P.S. If I ever spend $450K (adjusted for inflation, of course) or more on anything that doesn't have a very good probability of making money for me, please slap, kick, bite, punch and/or shame me back to my senses.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

and so it goes

for real, this is one of my favorite songs and I had forgotten about it for years.

and so it goes

I don't necessarily like Billy Joel's version of it best, but its such a beautiful song for lots of reasons. I like it because of how simple and honest it is.

Also, Isaac Bickmore just said, "I think that if I didn't believe in God, I would believe in Van Morrison."

Monday, September 14, 2009

Calling the good bad, and the bad good(I'll call the ugly ugly).

If you haven't seen Tarnation, do yourself a favor and don't. It sure loves its muck and sure loves to wallow. Let' be honest, there is, in fact, muck out there and there are those who rake and wallow, and rightly so, but in this case, it isn't really helpful.

If you haven't seen Enchanted, do yourself a favor and do. That is all.

Wait! Amy Adams came up to me once and told me she liked my jacket. Okaaaay, then. Is she married?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

a carry over

The following is a carry over from somewhere else. I think will fit here nicely in unedited form.


I don;t know where this desire to share beautiful things with people, but i wish it would go away. If I could find it in me, i'd cut it out. I wonder where something like that would hide. And hide it definitely would do because if it was just out in the open it never would survive. Evolutionarily speaking, this little part of me is totally unhelpful, its a parasite. I need chemo therapy to kill it. Hopefully it will die before I do. so dramatic

Your Song

Okay, so I have decided to start this thing up again. I think mostly because I have this insatiable desire to share beautiful things with people and I think that can get annoying. So, I will put them all here to be taken or left at the consumers will. I think this will be something of a stream of consciousness of things I like. Writers sometimes write that way to overcome writer's block. I think I'll do it here just to break the back of this thing.

look at this
and this
and this
and this, or for you francophiles this
and this I want that puppy, first.
and this
and this
and please, please, please look at this
and I want to go see this before it gets too late this year. And I want to take pictures of people I love there, which means, "People I love, you must come with me!"
look at Wednesday August 5th on this
and every year around this time I start getting obsessed with this and this

Oh, also does anybody think a Writers Block Party is a good idea? What if instead, it was a Writer's Bloc Party?