Sunday, December 26, 2010

Engaged to be married

Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because-
because-I don’t know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don’t leave me for a second, my dearest,
because in that moment you’ll have gone so far
I’ll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

Also, I am getting married.  So, there is that.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi

Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Tomorrow is Thankksgiving and, other than food, that means football.  Yay!

youtube won't let me embed this, or rather, Turner Classic Movies won't let me embed this, but trust me, you wanna click on that link.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I am definitely going to be He-Man for Halloween.  Also, how about how he punches us in the face at :53 seconds?

Friday, October 22, 2010

This is the song for October

Long afloat on shipless oceans
I did all my best to smile
'Til your singing eyes and fingers
Drew me loving to your isle
And you sang
Sail to me, sail to me
Let me enfold you
Here I am, here I am
Waiting to hold you

Did I dream you dreamed about me ?
Were you hare when I was fox ?
Now my foolish boat is leaning
Broken lovelorn on your rocks
For you sing
'Touch me not, touch me not
Come back tomorrow
Oh my heart, oh my heart
Shies from the sorrow'

I am puzzled as the oyster
I am troubled as the tide
Should I stand amid your breakers ?
Or should I lie with death my bride ?
Hear me sing
'Swim to me, swim to me
Let me enfold you
Here I am, here I am
Waiting to hold you'

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I can't decide which of these versions of this song, which I am obsessed with, is better.

actually, I am pretty sure it's the first one I posted, which is not the first one recorded.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Monday, July 5, 2010

Back to the Future

Electronic Lisa told me that Doc Brown sets the Delorean's clock to go 25 years into the future which would be July 5th, 2010.  Where is my Hoverboard and my flying car? 

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Nothing's gonna change my world

I can't stop watching this.  

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


I am still in NYC.  It's very hot and muggy.  Also, this song is called Separate Ways.  If, like me, after a minute or so you think you have had enough, please don't give up.  Never give up.  Don't give up.  It gets better.  Also, I really do, sincerely love this song.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

I'm in new york city.  Its not that new.  Most of th elevators here scare me.  There arent many places to sit down.

Friday, June 11, 2010

there is a new comet and I find that exciting.  Also, when googling its sometimes fun to slow down a bit and see where the google suggestions take you.  Today I found out How often the average person not only poops, but how often the average person poops their pants.  For the record, I I had only typed in "how often does" into the search field when my attention was hijacked. 

But seriously, do you know how often the average person poops?  I dare you to not google and find out.  Also, if you are pooping too frequently or not frequently enough you may be about to die.  

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Ted Lucas

I just watched a movie called Beeswax. I really liked it.  I think they shot it in Austin.  I wanna visit that city but I don;t know anybody there anymore.  I guess that doesn't matter.  In the movie there was this song by Ted Lucas, who I have never heard of.  I can't believe this song had been hidden from me until now. 

Sunday, May 9, 2010


Seriously, its mothers' day.  I know I already put this movie on my blog, but seriously! Go watch Babies and call your mothers.  If there was a day for babies would it be Babies' day or Baby's day?  The first one, right?  I'm not so good with grammar and punctuation and I don't know how to use a semi-colon and I am pretty sure I either use commas way too much or not enough.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Iron Man and Peter Pan

I find Glee boring. Sorry.  Iron Man 2, on the other hand, I find not boring. Not Sorry. 
Also, Mr. J.M. Barrie, you got one thing wrong.  You said all children know they will grow up after two and that two is the beginning of the end.  Not all of them. I know of at least two that still don't know.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Space Monkey

I know its just been a lot of video posts lately, but I like this one.  Well, the tag line at the end makes it cheesy, I wish they would have left that out.  But whatever.  Nobody is perfect, despite what one might think.

Space Monkey from Leo Burnett on Vimeo.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Um, I made a huge mistake posting that AC/DC video earlier today.  I hope it doesn't distract you from this, which is what I would like to do with my life.


This is kind of cool.  But, I still think the song is the best part.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

How many Fruedians does it take to change a light bulb?

Its fun to tell light bulb jokes via text message because you still go through the formality of replying, "I dunno, how many?"  You can't omit that part, otherwise there is no suspense.  Knock Knock Jokes are also very fun to do via text message.  I wonder what it was like in the old days when they had to tell their Knock-Knock Jokes via post-cards.

Also, I dusted off my Nintendo today and I can still beat Contra pretty much without dying.   My friend Adam was playing some fancy online game in the next room and I yelled at him, "When I was your age we used to have to blow on the ends of our video games to get them to work!" He is only 26.  Also, I stole that joke but I am not sure from where.  That's also not exactly how everything happened.

Also, for some reason I am still listening to Coldplay. This time its The Scientist.  I finally finished that last class, so I am graduated but I still feel a bit melancholic, i thought that would go away with the spring or with the degree.  Actually, yesterday I felt so relieved to be done.  Today I just want to get on with things.  I still plan to move to NYC, I love that city so much.  This Coldplay song seems much older to me than just 8 years.

Also, I changed my profile name because I am no longer in a hurry.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

I can't get no Satisfaction

I always want to not like ColdPlay.  This is because I am pretentious.  It's 4:25am and I can't get this song out of my head because I love it and I love ColdPlay.

I was once accused of being just like Peter Pan and that as soon I parted ways with someone, I forgot them.  Another time I was told that once I became your friend I stuck and there was no shaking it.  As I am sure many of you have already noticed, these cannot both be true.

Also, I have been deeply insulted sir and I demand satisfaction.  Your choices for me to achieve my satisfaction are
1. Fisticuffs
2. A game of Chess (tournament rules)
3. An endurance race to the top of the mountain peak of my choosing but with no provisions brought along.

Any of these would be acceptable, but I secretly have one I hope you choose.

Also, of course Pistols at Dawn would be an acceptable alternative but I know for a fact you have a lousy second, so I wouldn't choose that one if you knew what was god for you.  I'll provide the pistols.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


That was silly thing to say. I always shower alone.

Friday, April 16, 2010

From Dark Matter to a possible Big Crunch

um... here this thing I found

Sometimes I go to ue the restroom in the middle of the day and realize that I didn;t do my hair the previous morning. I think this makes me some sort of eccentric.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A bit much blogging these days but it's just so nice outside. And probably you have all seen this. The song is not that good... well, I kinda like it, but I know I shouldn't. But, the video is amazing. But, here it is anyway. Can anybody tell me what the background music is during the chorus? It's from some movie... I think the movie has aliens... and maybe those aliens save us... and maybe those aliens are us.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Nice and straight forward

On my list of tings to do is this

Also, This actress reminds me of Ashley Mollerup... who I am pretty sure has 7 evil Exs. Is it arrogant of my to think I could take them all with no problem?

O. Henry

I can't believe how warm it is outside... especially when that is contrasted with how cold it is in my room.  I kind of feel like I've rented The Furnished Room from that short story by O. Henry... which I once used as wrote a a short film.  I imagine that room was very cold.

1. Stay out of my cold, cold room.
2. TBA
3. Pass that last class and graduate... finally. I am late... but I finished?
      a. me finishing my degree in film was an exercise in doing something I really believe is worthless but that I am finishing for the sake of finishing.  I guess that's a good reason to finish any cause... well any cause that you don't suddenly realize should be abandoned.  There is an old Chinese proverb that says "No matter how far you have gone down the wrong path, turn back."


Sunday, April 11, 2010

I listened to a lot of General Conference today.  Lots of it I was hearing for the second time.  It was kind of amazing.  It is always kind of funny how one can't help but feel that the there was some sort of personalized theme running through the whole conference and it's funny how an entirely different "one" can feel that same thing about a totally different and just as personalized theme.  So, on the count of three, let's all say what the theme was this time. 1... 2... 3!

Saturday, April 10, 2010


I have two cupcakes from Cupcake Royale in my refrigerator.  One of them is going to be given To Katy P. if she wants it.  The other one will be eaten by me for dinner.

This is totally unrelated and credit fr it should be given to Emily Asplund.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Maybe it's more...

This is me and a friend. Dancing through the streets of Provo. The city in which I live. Tonight.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Two Lovers

I really like the film Two Lovers.  That is all.  I just watched it again and I quite like it and I want the world to know that.  Maybe I think it's kind of funny because it's a little autobiographical.  Whatever.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I live in Provo now, for the time being.  This should simplify some things.  I've been here for days but it feels like years.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Lesson #5

We, the richest nation in the world, have failed in our responsibility to our own poor and to the disadvantaged across the world to help them advance their welfare in the most fundamental terms of nutrition, literacy, health and employment.
-Robert Macnamara 2003

and on a lighter note

I think the rule used to be that you knew you had "made it" when you had your own action figure.  I think that having a cheeto portrait has to be at least as good, probably better.

Has anybody seen the life size candy statue of the owner of Osaka in their foyer?  I like eating there.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Old bottles

I can't think of a part in the Old Testament, or even the scriptures which I love more; which is more tender.

  "...Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:  Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."

     Some of Christ's feelings in the New Testament are, obviously, very tender and moving (I'm thinking of his reaction to the death of Lazarus and his friends pain at that death) but for some reason the above passage is particularly striking to me specifically it isn't coming from the Savior.  It's coming from just a normal human being who had figured out what it means to love.  I think she had that higher law stuff down a few centuries early.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

happy pi day

Today is Pi day. 3.14

Friday, March 12, 2010

Good news and Bad news

The good news is that my iPod shuffle is very clean.  The bad news is that is because it got washed, which means it no longer works... ah, but it's clean.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

April Come She Will

I am so glad I can play the guitar, even though I am not that good at it.  But I can play this.  And, let's be honest.  The only reason anybody ever picked up a guitar in the first place was to play it for someone they loved. 

This Too Shall Pass

Does anybody else find this, which OK Go won't let me embed,  incredibly inspiring?  Or maybe the video below?  Wow, I just love our whole species so damn much. 

Also, I saw Crazy Heart with a lady friend of mine.  Not nearly as sad as The Wrestler, I'm glad I saw it. 

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Crazy Heart

I haven't seen Crazy Heart yet.  I think that is one I will wait to see until it gets sunny and/or warmer.  I dunno, though.  Anybody out there wanna convince me otherwise?  Something tells me it's gonna be heartbreaking, am I wrong?  It seems like The Wrestler but with a guitar and no Pile Drivers.

Wait, also, I used to drive that Suburban.  Who knows, maybe its the same one.  Of course, mine had a big dent in the right side from when I backed it into a pole.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

"She made up someone to be. She made up somewhere to be from."

One day I will use this song in a film.  Probably I will star in that film and I will be a private detective. It will be my autobiography.    

A friend gave me an iTunes gift card, which means I can continue to buy all of the amazing songs I hear on KRCL and tag with my iPhone.  That's the best thing my iPhone has done for me... really, it's the only thing it has to offer.

"Don't let a fool kiss you... don't let a kiss fool you."  Who does Tom Waits think he is? Gee whiz.

Sometimes I feel anxious because there is so much good stuff to be seen and so many good people to "connect" with, for lack of a better word, and I am afraid of all that I am missing.  This used to fear used to paralyze me, kind of like those goats on youtube that freeze when you scare them, but I have gotten so much better.  Now, I kind of like the feeling.  When I say anxious, I mean like I feel the same way I would feel if I ran into a bear in the woods.  Does David pee in his pants when he encounters a bear in the woods?

Also, does anybody else like The National?  I noticed of the last 5 songs I have tagged, two have been by them.  I think I like these guys.  Right now I am listening to "Fake Empire,"  there is so much good stuff... too much.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

somethings coming

I would have to say today was pretty fantastic.  I spent several hours with a new-ish friend who feels like an old friend.   We ate fantastic food and watched parts of a few amazing movies and talked about books and art and people and soap and respect... you know, like the respect like the Indians respect stuff.  Like trees.  

I passed my Statistics test with flying colors.  Well, flying enough, anyway, especially considering the sickly circumstances.

I got this amazing Coach bag.


 I got this amazing camera bag.

I considered buying this beautiful desk, but then came to my senses.

I opened up the drawer and saw this little note, which made me kind of sad... but who knows, maybe it turned out alright for them.

Also, I have been receiving mysterious postcards in the mail.  I got this one last week. 

And this one just today



Maybe they aren't as mysterious as all that, but, unsigned postcards with inspirational drawings and messages I think can be accurately described as mysterious no matter what you think.

Unfortunately I did not take the time to change the pictures so that they would be facing the right way, but I got a thing I gotta do in 40 minutes and still need to shower and put on my new suit.

I also ate 3 apples. I love apples, but not green ones.  

All in all, I kinda feel like this and its a good feeling...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I should have taken acid with you. You know what I mean.

   I love March.  It's so hopeful.  Also, its kind of wonderful how doing a few simple things that make you happy really does help make you happy.  It's also wonderful how eliminating a few simple things that make you unhappy really does help make you not unhappy.  I think I was loaded down a little too much at the beginning of this year and then I loaded myself down a little too much at the beginning of this semester, but trimming the fat feels good.

   Also, and you might think I am too old for this, but you'd be wrong, there is nothing as exhilirating as talking with a beautiful and intelligent woman.  I really love March, even if it's raining, or if it decides to snow.

   Even better than march are a lot of good friends and family members who want whats best for me.  I don't know where I'd be without those.

I guess what I am getting at with all of this is just saying thanks.

I guess what I am also trying to say is

Monday, March 1, 2010

Cheer Up Charlie

Sometimes, the cheerless don't need that stupid "Cheer up Charlie"Song from that Willie Wonka movie, sometimes they need this instead.

70 Million by Hold Your Horses ! from L'Ogre on Vimeo.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Some Musings About Love, Mermaids and the Evils of CannibAlism

First of all, I would like to give a big "Shout Out" to Lisa Ruefenacht, who is really awesome and very lonely because her man lives in Texas.  Man, Texas.  Who does Texas she think she is?

Also, I wanna talk about The Swimming Song.  This song, like no other, has the ability to cause me to cry almost immediately.  If you see me and can hear this song, I am probably holding back tears.  This song reminds me of Lee Stratford, he showed it to me.

Once, Becca Thomas, a friend of mine and Lee's wrote a movie about us and for us to act in.  In the movie Lee was very sad and anxious and terrified about life and women.  He sought me as his friend and oracle (and I think it was supposed to be implied that maybe I was in love with him).  So, I took him to a swimming pool to help him overcome his fear of water as a first step to living free and happy.  I taught him to swim.  I thought it was sweet.  While we were under the water he met a beautiful mermaid and learned how to love her and lived happily ever after.   I actually met two ever more beautiful mermaids and they tried to kill and eat me.  I learned to not let mermaids, or anything for that matter kill and/or eat me no matter how beautiful they are.  It seems that I had a thing or two to learn also. 

Anyway, my point is that Becca obviously new about my love for this song and Lee and wrote the movie based on them.

PS.  I am absolutely going to do some informal swimming in a reservoir this summer.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

This post used to be about how horribly sick I have been since Tuesday, but I decided it was a bit too mopey.  It's true,  I have been feeling ill and this post is still a shameless plea for something to happen.  Call,send a telegram, come over and light my house on fire.  I'm bored.  Any change would be welcome.  Reading makes me nauseated so I can't study until that calms down.  Movies give me a headache.  My fever has been gone long enough to guarantee I am no longer contagious, so don't worry about catching the flu from me when you come over to light the house on fire.  I can't spread it.

I was talking with Electronic Lisa today and she asked me how I was feeling, I said, "Have you seen The Never Ending Story? Where Artax gives into the sadness in the swamp of despair? Yeah, it's prety much just like that."

But seriously, folks, who watched this as a child and didn't cry?  Nobody.  Jeffrey Dahmer bawled at this part.

If anybody out there has not seen this movie you need to change that right away.  I will help, you can ask me.  If you bring it t my house and watch it with me this weekend, I will name my guitar after you.  I am serious.  Not just my acoustic Norman,  I am talking about my Electric Blue 1962 Reissue American Strat with the Rosewood fretboard.  Strats don't get any prettier.  It's a good guitar. 

Monday, February 15, 2010

Goodbye Blue Monday

I watched Moon and The Hurt Locker yesterday.  I watched them each twice.  I am going to take a break from sad movies and other sad things until at least the end of February, probably the end of March. Maybe forever.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


I am getting excited about seeing these kids this weekend.  I think the last of these four songs is my favorite.  I haven't decided which video is my favorite.  The second video is just some fan made thing, so its kinda crappy.

Also, in case you didn't know, its all about guitar solos. On the video just below 1:08-1:35 is the section in question. Don't you dare just fast forward to that part. it's a bad habit to bypass the buildup and skip right to the climax. It makes it cheap and you lose the full effect. If you have to do this for the guitar solo in "Whole Lotta Love" I understand, because those two minutes of buildup are really just nonesense. Led Zeppelin was oversexed and trying to trick us. Also, it's not really ALL about guitar solos.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Pen Pals and whatnot

I now have a PenPal. Her name is Madeleine and she is 8 years old. Ah, to be 8! I think I have a pretty good handle on 8... well a better handle than most, anyway. I doubt this PenPal correspondence will be completely honest. I have big ideas. This is, after all, the same girl to whom I gave her weight in Ghirardelli Chocolate for her Birthday.

A Tangent: in 1956, when my father was 5 years old his uncle Shelby (who was the CEO of General Mills and, obviously, quite wealthy) called him on Christmas morning and asked to talk with him. "Bill! Did you get the Pony? I really hope you love the Pony," he said. Although he easily could have afforded it, Shelby had sent him no Pony, he just got a kick out of having a kid believe him and then get crushed when his parents tried to explain why Shelby lied like that. I think this was a pivot point in Shelby's relationship with my Paternal Grandparents. That story really happened, by the way.

I kind of feel like my birthday gift was kind of similar, with the exception of not crushing the Christmas dreams of children and mine was delicious. I don't know what ended up happening to the chocolate, but I am sure Maddie didn't eat it all. I was afraid Megan, Madeleine's mother, would throw it away, which is why I bought Ghirardelli. You can't simply throw chocolate of that quality into the trash. At the very least, you have to give it to someone.

Anyway, I wrote Madeleine the first letter today. I now need to write it out by hand... on better paper... and then get it postmarked from Peru.

Monday, February 8, 2010

I spent today in Roy at a funeral.  It was nice.  I also finished reading a very good book, and I think I will read it again and then read its sequel... and then its equal.


I just want that timer there, out where we can see it.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

woman's intuition

One may be tempted to read into things that really shouldn't be read into.  Well, not that they "shouldn't" be read into, but just that nothing reliable can be gleaned from reading into some things.  Actually, scratch that.  Who do I think I am kidding?  We are all saying things even when we aren't saying things and I am tired of playing dumb.  It's time I manned up to my Woman's Intuition.  It's actually quite easy to know why one does what one does.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Don't stop me now

I just got done with my first midterm in 3 years.  We were supposed to study a recommended 6-8 hours but I decided to only study 45 minutes.  I missed one out of 54 questions, so I guess that was an okay choice.  I'm bragging.  Whatever.  Now I am going to see The Hurt Locker and eat at The Pi.  Nobody can stop me.

Also, Shostakovich, I think, is the best possible person to listen to while studying.
Also, today in my Logic class my professor said, "I go to be hanged on yonder scaffold." And I thought it was pretty funny, because what he was really doing was acknowledging that his logic was paradoxical, at least I think that's what he meant.  I like it when people just throw out somewhat obscure references references to old books as justification for their actions.  Or something.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


I just did the best thing I have done in a very long time and feel better than I have in probably just as long.  I'd tell you, but it's a secret.  I just wanted you to know. 

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I'm feeling bloggy.  My doctor told me I can't run anymore because of various back problems/pressures.  I don't know if he means just outside on pavement or if I can't even run on a treadmill.

This Article

interests me, because maybe if I ran with better form I would have less back pain when I do it.  I tried that this morning while running on a treadmill.  I tried landing on the balls of my feet.  It actually hurt much less and was soooo much easier.  I was something of the king of that treadmill.  It was like running and having someone pushing me forward, I had to turn the thing up.  I think maybe bad form has been my problem for awhile.

I may buy some of these fancy shoes, which look ridiculous.  But, for what it is worth, the two people I have seen wearing them have the type of build I would like to have and do the types of exercise I think is the most natural and beneficial.  

Also, my mother's toxicology report came in this morning.  The only abnormal thing was that she had a slightly elevated level of Amitriptyline in her system.  She takes that stuff to go to sleep sometimes.  So, the coroner said he thought it was very likely that she just accidentally took a double dose, which happens frequently to people on lots of medications; I imagine especially when they have brain injuries.  And so it goes.

Groundhog Day

I'll watch this today with anybody who wants to.  Anybody. 

But really, all I want to do is watch The Umbrellas of Cherbourg.  On my own.  In Paris.  In 1964. 

Monday, February 1, 2010

Can't stand you 'cause your feet's too big

I'm waiting for various technological gadgets to sync with my computer machine and I was recently thinking about the following.  There are two deal breakers I have with a woman if I am interested in her.  One is having nasty (smelly, weird, overly long/skinny, crooked) feet.  The second is any use of the phrase "LOL" in a text/chat that is not at least partially ironic.  I hate it.  I imagine the feet one could be overcome and the truth is, it's only happened twice, but there is absolutely no overcoming the second deal breaker and I can think of four people off the top of my head who did that second thing in the last few weeks.   

Go ahead, rail against me for my shallowness.  I don't care.  But, everybody has something like that.  I once knew a girl who broke up with a boy because he confused werewolves and vampires and that particular girl is twice the person we are.

Also, just because I am shallow, doesn't mean I didn't cry and cry when I watched The Umbrellas of Cherbourg and maybe I still cry when I even think about it today.  And maybe I tried to watch it the other day for the first time in years, but lost my nerve a minute into the credits.  For any of you who don't know the story, Guy has to go to war for two years and that link is the scene where he tells her.

With time, I hope to be able to associate this with the song.  But, now that I think about it, it's kind of a sad story, too. Maybe it's also just too soon to make fun of the fact that we left Wall-E up there all alone and trapped in sand.  His only friend is on the other side of Mars and her battery is dying.  Nobody thinks she'll last another Martian winter.  Yeah, actually that's really sad.  They should fire those guys.

I think she should go and save him.  It would be like Wall-E and Rabbit Proof Fence and A.I. I wonder if that would make a good pitch.  

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Rory Homan

If it weren't for Rory Homan, I'd know nothing of Harry Nilsson.  Thank God for the both of them.  This last week was good.  I watched some Chinese movies, got a lot done, bombed a quiz (I think this is the first time I have ever gotten such a poor grade on anything in academics and actually placed pen to paper.  I think it's good for me because normally if I thought I wouldn't get an "A" I would have trouble finding the motivation to do it.  I am becoming more and more okay with not needing to perform with perfection.) and watched a 16mm print of The Big Sleep.  There is a huge difference between a 16mm print and a 35mm print, by the way. I didn't think there would be, but boy there is.  I wish I could take today off, but I did a bit too much lallygagging in my down time over the week, so today I gotta play catch up.  Tonight, I do get to go photograph two beautiful friends of mine and go to a rock concert I am very excited about with people I am very excited about.  I am pleased.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

not such happy times

I wanna make sure I've been clear about something.  Happy Times is a very good movie, but please do not watch it.  I made a joke at the beginning of the film, when it was funny, about how everybody would probably get cancer in the end and die.  If that had happened, the film would have been much, much happier.  Imagine the simplest and saddest thing happening to the most helpless type of person and you might be able to imagine how sad that film is.  Don't watch it, please.

As I am thinking about this, I am trying to analyze why it was so sad.  I think it is because being alone is the absolute saddest thing that can happen to a human being.  Really, think about it, that's what hell is.  And being alone is the absolute antithesis of Heaven.  Some people are okay with being alone, but the truth is, we can't be fulfilled alone.  Also, we can't be saved by ourselves.  It's a good thing I had a good friend with me when I watched that movie, otherwise I don't think I would have made it out of there.

Happy Times with Gorgoroth and friends

Happy Times is maybe the saddest movie I've seen.  I'm talking Bicycle Theives sad.  Wow,  Zhang Yimou, I thought To Live was your saddest movie.  Today I have decided to numb the sadness with some Norwegian Black Metal.  I'm not joking.  You may want to cross the street if you see me.  Also, I may or may not have toured an MMA training facility yesterday.  If I ever fight (which, I almost certainlt won't) I insist that I wear full Gorgoroth regalia.  Hold me to this. 

Friday, January 22, 2010

Garance and the old man sweater

Garance, I think Scott is right, but I also think you should get a man that looks good wearing one.  I happen to have such a man in mind.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

a man's world

Just in case anybody wondered, Garance Doré is quite a bit better of a photographer and writer than her male counterpart. But nobody pays her nearly as much attention.

Also, Nicole Krauss is quite a bit better of a novelist than her male counterpart. But, he seems to be everyone's focus.

It's a man's world.

P.S. There are still many days I wake up and the first thing I think about is The History of Love, which I honestly think I could never read again. It's just too emotional.

P.P.S. Remember in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close when the grandmother says, "I hope you never love anything as much as I love you," to her grandson? I remember that part. The implications there are obvious... well obvious to me. I think its safe to say that loving something in spite of the fear of pain that come from losing that something is always the right thing to do. Often, I'm terrified to love my children, my family and even my friends, but it won't stop me.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Atheists in Foxholes

I am back in school for a semester and an LSAT prep course. I just started the third week of the semester and somehow, with all of this busy-ness it feels like I am on the frontline of some battle, waiting for a barrage of artillery and I suddenly realize I really haven't finished digging my foxhole.

Monday, January 18, 2010

death to the F-book

I just deactivated my Facebook account. Supposedly it's the cool thing to do these days. Unfortunately, it's only temporary. I am doing it because of a bet that I will certainly win. I have to admit, I am little worried about not wanting to ever go back. I feel like I am deciding to "take a break" with my girlfriend and I am terrified that either she or I will decide that we're better without each other. Oh no! What if facebook won't take me back? It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Saturday, January 9, 2010

...full of hollow on old Maxwell's Street

Home is weird. I was driving home and listening to the radio and I heard this

and as I heard the words, "I hope my pony knows the way back home" all I could think about was how the home I was driving to was so different then it used to be. It actually doesn't exist anymore. I think that is the shocking part of growing up, the realization that home is gone, that there is nothing beneath you to catch you.
So, anyway, I was thinking about that idea and that song and I was reminded of a situation I was once in that was so terrifying that the only thing I could think of was wanting to be home. I literally kept repeating the words, "I just wanna be home," in my head. At one point I must have said it out loud because my friend made some joke about how we were old enough to know that our "homes" didn't exist anymore. But the funny thing was that when I said "Home," I sincerely meant a heavenly one. Everything had been stripped from me but that belief and at their barest, my bones could only believe in that. When I got out of that situation I remember being quite startled as to how deeply that belief ran.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

through a glass, darkly

I wish I had heard about this earlier. Two physicists are claiming that the presence of the elusive particle called the Higgs Boson causes such trouble for space/time and matter that The Future has to sabotage it's existence. Apparently that's why the funding for the machine the USA was building to create and study Higgs Bosons got pulled before it could be built and that's also why the Large Hadron Collider in Europe keeps breaking down.

"While it is a paradox to go back in time and kill your grandfather, physicists agree there is no paradox if you go back in time and save him from being hit by a bus. In the case of the Higgs and the collider, it is as if something is going back in time to keep the universe from being hit by a bus. Although just why the Higgs would be a catastrophe is not clear. If we knew, presumably, we wouldn’t be trying to make one."

I really hope this is true, but its pretty ridiculous. However, I have suspected Future Me may be working some sorts of sabotage on Present Me so I'll keep my mind open for now.

This link is th NYT article.