Back in the saddle again

I've been letting some important things slide lately. Its really amazing what a difference the little things make. They add up. I hurt my back two weeks ago and haven't been running, which I now realize is a big mistake. But its okay, it feels better now an I am back in the saddle again.

Van Morrison

Dear Emily Asplund,
I am going to Las Vegas to see Van Morrison play Astral Weeks tomorrow. Of course, that album makes me think of you and I wish you could go with me.

Back to Basics

Was the original Amoeba music in Berkeley? I guess I always assumed it was in Los Angeles. It seems like anytime a question is raised regarding origins of things and Los Angeles is one of the multiple choice answers you can just cross it off. That place only re-does things. That would be awesome if that type of question came up on a test because you could immediately eliminate "Los Angeles" and “C,” because, as everybody knows, the answer is very rarely “C.” It used to be that the answer was most frequently “C,” its some sort of statistical/psychological thing having to do with the types of parents who raise people who go to test-making college. But the test writers found out we were on to them and now its almost never “C.” I wonder if they are onto us again and would switch it back. These things are unknowable.

I feel like I’ve needed a haircut for at least a week. I think maybe I should grow it out all crazy! Or cut it off all crazy!

Also, I’ve gotten away from the original purpose of this thing, which was to simply show things I thought were beautiful. My wanderly writings shall be placed back elsewhere.
Here is something I don’t think many of you will see, but if I was being interviewed and the interviewee asked me to tell about the most amazing natural phenomenon I had ever seen and I still hadn’t been to space or seen the Aurora Borealis (I’ve insisted on calling them by their proper name since I found out about them in Mrs. Helt’s Kindergarten Class), I would definitely say, it was the time I saw a Bioluminescent Algea Blume (AKA "Red Tide") in Encinitas.

It is very close to the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. That color is very rare. I wonder if that's why its so beautiful. These videos and photos don't do it justice and when I saw it, it was more green than here. I have always had a hunch that, despite what SCIENCE! says, the ocean is actually the same thing as the sky, and that when you look out there at the horizon, if you look really hard you can see where it flips over, turns around and then comes back to us. I think that the Aurora Borealis and the Red Tide are actually the same thing, just upside down. It's weird that the Aurora Borealis look so much bigger, they're so much farther away. But, in reality, the sky is closer to us than the ocean (unless, of course, we are in the ocean) because we are standing in the sky all the time (unless, as I said, we are in the ocean).

Also, if you don't like Astral Weeks I probably don't like you, but I will make exceptions. I may drive fairly far to see Van the Man play that album live. I think its one of those things I will never ever regret, no matter what the cost.

Not Funny Anymore

I'm not so good at writing missionaries. I just got letter number two in a row from one who I really owe a letter. I have 7 weeks to atone, hopefully more than once.

I got off the Train today and a pretty down and out guy walks up to me and was all, "'scuse me sir, money money money money money for drugs." And I was like, "Hell no!" And then as I walked away I actually heard what he said and it was, "Excuse me sir, I am so sorry to bother you, but do you have any work I could do for food. That's my wife sitting over there under that tree and she is pregnant and we haven't eaten in two days." I was pretty far away by the time that processed and maybe I was pretty ashamed and teary-ish. So, I walked the half mile to my car and drove back and told him that if he just needed food I would certainly buy him some, which I did.

Those who know me know that when I am talking in a dead serious voice, that's when I am making jokes and it is when I am laughing that I am being the most serious. I think when I wax (or is it wane?) blasphemous I am probably being the most serious of all. And, while that guy probably sold that food to buy drugs, Matthew 25:40 would seem to say that I just gave drug money to Jesus.

I think I am done doing that thing where I laugh when I am serious and sound serious when I am joking. Its not funny anymore.

he ain't heavy

Six years ago today, my Brother died of a Heroin overdose. They found him in a McDonald's bathroom. That really sucks and none of us will ever be the same.

Awful things happen to all of us and we all do awful things to one another all the time and that's just part of being here. I think the most important part of being here is to learn to forgive ourselves and others for the awful things we've done and to learn to love others and ourselves in spite of and, maybe because of, what we've done. Not, "I love you because of what you did," but, "You did that awful thing and that other awful thing happened to you and I love you because we need that."

At some point we are all a burden on someone else and at some point someone is a burden on us, but we ain't heavy, we're our brothers?

P.S. The Kinks are awesome. I'm glad they wrote music.

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

Technically, Fall doesn't start until 3:15pm today, but this morning its 46 degrees outside. I can see my breath. I think this is the first time this year. This time of year always makes me think of Football, which I might add is the greatest game ever played. I love it. There were times I loved it more than I loved anything else. I loved the feeling of practicing and collapsing at the end of windsprints because you had given everything. I loved the feeling of chasing some unsuspecting quarterback from behind and feeling him crumple underneath me. I loved the feeling of being the unsuspecting linebacker who gets hit from out of my blind spot so hard that my head hits the ground before my feet. I loved everything about it. I miss it. When you've loved something like that, it never totally goes away, and sometimes you still miss it, even years later. I love that I miss it. I am pretty sure a few too many hits and a few poorly lifted weights are responsible for my back problems, but it was absolutely worth it and I'd do it the same if I had it to do over again.

Another thought. Solitary sports are great. Its good to conquer things on your own. I liked wrestling for that reason and I can respect those who compete alone. But, the truth is, we are all in this together and we aren't alone and nobody is going anywhere after this whole shindig alone. We are going as families or not at all. That's another reason why team sports are actually better. Nothing is better than the feeling of accomplishing something or failing at something with those you love.

Also, don't you think Sean Astin looks a bit like Shane Atkinson? Who may or may not have walked on to BYU's football team only to quit once he got in the film program?

Also, Also, does anybody else feel compelled to chant "Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!" when Sam picks up Frodo at the end of those movies? I don't mind those movies, but Rudy is better. Watch it if you haven't. I want to inspire people the way it inspires me.

A Poem

Here is a poem for Pam, a Poam

I think
You stink.

do not be alarmed

I didn't say this, but maybe a cried a little bit when someone did.

"I can't even think of a good reason to kill myself anymore, but at least it'd be something to do."

Luckily there is this to cheer us up.

Back Into the Belly of the Beast or: There is a First Time for Everything

The first time I ever got into one of these was also first time I felt completely overwhelmed with fear. I think I was 12 years old. I was fiercely and violently claustrophobic before that, but ever since then (or maybe ever since I was 15 and got licked in a trunk, I won't say by who) I have had to add irrationally to those adverbs. Lately, I have been getting much better at dealing with various stress inducing forces and today I decided to go back to the beginning and begin that fight again. I don't know how (yes I do) but I thoroughly defeated that silly foe.



I also ran into this man who I am quite sure is an oracle of some sort. He gave me a magical power, but I can't tell you which one.

Son, its okay to own a Bentley

A wise and wealthy man once told me, "You can own a Bentley if you really want to, but its definitely not okay to take it out of your garage." Years ago, this man's father had said this to him upon discovering that his son had purchased a $450K car. The son came from a wealthy family, but had made this money on his own from his jewelry business. I think he made his first million independent of his parents by the time he was 17. I can respect that. If I remember correctly this man's father had also made a similar mistake when he purchased a Ferrari back in the 60s and his father told him an almost identical thing.
Bentleys are for companies that Chauffeur to assure their clients that they will be taken around in style or for people with lots of disposable wealth to assure other people that they do, indeed, have lots of disposable wealth. So, knowing these things and reflecting upon the advice, would you really ever want to own a Bentley? Somehow, I think this advice will never be directly applicable to me, but I can see the principle and I think its good.
Today I gave myself this advice, "Its impolite and may lead to trouble if you shake your head at and 'booooo' owners of Bentleys on the freeway." This particular Bentley owner was definitely not a Chauffer based on his attire, age and style of the Bentley. So, as I passed I expressed my discontent and was a bit delighted to see the driver become furious. He started following me quite close and made a very rude hand gesture. This went on for at least a minute, when to my surprise, he exited at my exit. This is surprising, because this em effer does not belong in the hood, he ain't never been to the hood and if he thinks he is gonna come to my hood and try to cause me trouble, he's got another thing coming. I grew up here. Home Court Advantage. He continued the tailgating. For a brief second I though about how wonderful it would be to see his Bentley all tore up from having rear ended my little truck, but that was obviously a bad idea (very funny visual image, though). After it seemed he was not going to give up his chase and I realized I did not have time or gas to make this guy follow me out to Wendover at 20mph below the posted 65 mph speed limit (which is how I dealt with the only other follower I'd had) I had a better idea. I turned off onto a gravel road used for canal maintenance I used to explore as a kid and I gunned the engine. This kicked up a lot of rocks and dust; certainly not enough to work as an effective smoke screen, but just enough to make that fellow consider what people would think of his income if his finish got dirty or, worse yet, nicked. I am glad it wasn't too much dirt, because it would have been sad if I'd missed seeing him turn around in the rear view mirror. But really, its not okay to shake your head and "boooooo" people on the freeway, lesson learned.

P.S. If I ever spend $450K (adjusted for inflation, of course) or more on anything that doesn't have a very good probability of making money for me, please slap, kick, bite, punch and/or shame me back to my senses.

and so it goes

for real, this is one of my favorite songs and I had forgotten about it for years.

and so it goes

I don't necessarily like Billy Joel's version of it best, but its such a beautiful song for lots of reasons. I like it because of how simple and honest it is.

Also, Isaac Bickmore just said, "I think that if I didn't believe in God, I would believe in Van Morrison."

Calling the good bad, and the bad good(I'll call the ugly ugly).

If you haven't seen Tarnation, do yourself a favor and don't. It sure loves its muck and sure loves to wallow. Let' be honest, there is, in fact, muck out there and there are those who rake and wallow, and rightly so, but in this case, it isn't really helpful.

If you haven't seen Enchanted, do yourself a favor and do. That is all.

Wait! Amy Adams came up to me once and told me she liked my jacket. Okaaaay, then. Is she married?

a carry over

The following is a carry over from somewhere else. I think will fit here nicely in unedited form.

crazy

I don;t know where this desire to share beautiful things with people, but i wish it would go away. If I could find it in me, i'd cut it out. I wonder where something like that would hide. And hide it definitely would do because if it was just out in the open it never would survive. Evolutionarily speaking, this little part of me is totally unhelpful, its a parasite. I need chemo therapy to kill it. Hopefully it will die before I do. so dramatic

Your Song

Okay, so I have decided to start this thing up again. I think mostly because I have this insatiable desire to share beautiful things with people and I think that can get annoying. So, I will put them all here to be taken or left at the consumers will. I think this will be something of a stream of consciousness of things I like. Writers sometimes write that way to overcome writer's block. I think I'll do it here just to break the back of this thing.

look at this
and this
and this
and this, or for you francophiles this
and this I want that puppy, first.
and this
and this
and please, please, please look at this
and I want to go see this before it gets too late this year. And I want to take pictures of people I love there, which means, "People I love, you must come with me!"
look at Wednesday August 5th on this
and every year around this time I start getting obsessed with this and this

Oh, also does anybody think a Writers Block Party is a good idea? What if instead, it was a Writer's Bloc Party?