I'm not so good at writing missionaries. I just got letter number two in a row from one who I really owe a letter. I have 7 weeks to atone, hopefully more than once.
I got off the Train today and a pretty down and out guy walks up to me and was all, "'scuse me sir, money money money money money for drugs." And I was like, "Hell no!" And then as I walked away I actually heard what he said and it was, "Excuse me sir, I am so sorry to bother you, but do you have any work I could do for food. That's my wife sitting over there under that tree and she is pregnant and we haven't eaten in two days." I was pretty far away by the time that processed and maybe I was pretty ashamed and teary-ish. So, I walked the half mile to my car and drove back and told him that if he just needed food I would certainly buy him some, which I did.
Those who know me know that when I am talking in a dead serious voice, that's when I am making jokes and it is when I am laughing that I am being the most serious. I think when I wax (or is it wane?) blasphemous I am probably being the most serious of all. And, while that guy probably sold that food to buy drugs, Matthew 25:40 would seem to say that I just gave drug money to Jesus.
I think I am done doing that thing where I laugh when I am serious and sound serious when I am joking. Its not funny anymore.
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This is a sad story. When I am most happy I laugh and shoot sunshine out my face, when I am most sad I cry until I throw up and shake, and when I am most angry, I smile and laugh because I can't believe how angry I am. I guess it is good, because I make others happy, my body can't sustain crying for more than 2 hours at a time, and I don't stay angry for long because I end up laughing at myself.
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